i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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