I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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