Dude my mom stole all your condoms
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
