god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
