I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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