Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
