Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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