News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
