Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
