And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize