So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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