Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
