Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
