Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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