Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
