yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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