Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
