Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
