Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
