Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
