I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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