that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
