you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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