I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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