just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
