whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
