This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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