I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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