my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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