I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
