Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
