he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
someone owes me an orgasm
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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