well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
