is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
