Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
