she was so not down for the gang bang
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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