needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
