I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
