saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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