soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
