I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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