those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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