he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
