Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
