Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
