I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
