I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
