I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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