ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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