you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
