he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
