Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
