There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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