Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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