tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
