What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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