remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
