your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
