White coat. Heels.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
