We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
