The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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