my mouth tastes like poor choices
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
