i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
