So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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