why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize