C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Randomize
