1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
