How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
