Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
