i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
