I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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