Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
