Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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