I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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