so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
