he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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