"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
