My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
