Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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