I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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