i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
